Through Roads that you know
by SortItOut
Summary: Post The Greater Fool. Will comes home after the August 8th show and is quickly reminded he hasn't been taking the best care of himself lately. Will/Mac.
1. Chapter 1

Title: _Through Roads (that you know)_

Spoilers: Set directly after 1x10.

Summary: Will comes home after the August 8th show and is quickly reminded he hasn't been taking the best care of himself lately. Will/Mac.

A/N: Any mistakes are my own. More chapters to come if there is an interest. Thank you for reading.

* * *

"_You've got blue blood on your hands. I know it's my own._

_You came at me in the midnight to show me my soul."- Blue Blood, Foals_

* * *

From the moment Will ripped out his monitors and IV, reciting _Don Quixote_ like it was gospel, he had been living his days on a steady diet of adrenalin, conviction, and whatever food type thing Mac had put in front of him at his desk in the name of keeping up his strength. It was the kind of manic energy he thrived on, and thrive he had. Tonight, he had done a newscast that he was damn proud of with the help of an amazing EP and ridiculously dedicated staff.

Things were so much better than a few weeks ago. He had job security. News Night was something to be proud of again. Brian could go fuck himself because he had his Camelot kid. It also wasn't so bad to find out that the same woman who had cheated on him hadn't then doubly rejected him years later by way of ignoring his soul bearing voicemail. Though he couldn't get himself to tell Mac what was in the message, things felt better between them. Everything felt a bit less painful with her since he found out she had never even heard the thing. Even after she revealed that he hadn't been hallucinating at Northwestern he felt more exasperation with her than any genuine anger. He couldn't remember the last time he was happy, but this content sort of feeling was close enough.

_(Will actually knew exactly the last time he was truly happy. It was late morning, maybe even early afternoon. Fluffy bed, his apartment, her bare breasts pressed against his side, her hand diagonal across his stomach. Black out curtains, sleep in Sunday, soft sheets, and tangled limbs. Mac's dainty mouth kissed his bare chest just seconds after her eyes fluttered opened. She continued her lazy kisses before mumbling something about needing food soon. He had dropped a soft kiss to her hair, squeezed her tight, and let her fall back asleep while he proceeded to the kitchen to try and make them a late breakfast. Mackenzie came out ten minutes later. When she saw him making his homemade French toast she looked less like she was hungry and more like a child whose balloon had just been popped. The French toast burned, while Mac explained she couldn't do this to him anymore. He was the kind of man who made her breakfast and she was just absolutely the worst person. Those were her exact words. He hasn't had French toast or lasting happiness since_.)

When Will finally made it home, he was more than ready to decompress. He had been pretty much nonstop since Friday. He stretched out on his leather couch, bourbon in one hand and a newspaper in the other. He closed his eyes and let Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie on vinyl wash over him.

As he stretched out to try and get comfortable, he realized his body was pretty trashed. The pain then immediately started to become more noticeable, dull, achy, and everywhere. He was almost proud. He has earned the aches with late nights and honest journalism. He eyed the pack of cigarettes on his coffee table and nothing had ever seemed like a better idea that he knew logically was a horrible idea. He reached over for the pack and lighter. Then groaned at how hard the simple action was. Ugh, he hated getting older. He lit his first cigarette since being admitted to the hospital and took his first precious inhale. Immediately he started to cough like he was a square in some fifties greaser movie. He assumed he had just gotten a little too excited and took a more modest drag. His cough was only more intense. The ripping burning feeling in his chest won and he put out the cigarette. Unfortunately, that didn't stop the coughing. The coughing quickly turned to gagging. When a tiny spot of blood flew from his mouth and landed on the back of his hand, it occurred to him that perhaps leaving AMA from the hospital hadn't been the best idea he ever had.

Will sat up knowing he needed to call someone and that time was of the essence. Shit! His cell was all the way in his room. The entire living room shifted in and out of focus as he began to get up. The dull aching in his body was now sharp and shooting. The gunfight at the O.K. corral erupting in the land between his stomach and throat.

"Damn it!" he rasped as he began to head towards his room.

He looked like crow magnum man as he moved. He was closer to the ground than to being upright, weaker with each step. The bleeding continued.

"Shit!" The words echoed in his empty apartment.

His head felt lighter by the minute. He knew the likelihood of making it to the phone was slimmer with every gag and off kilter step he took.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Will repeated over and over again as his dizziness intensified.

He needed to lie down. He gave in to gravity in the middle of his living room, slowly lying down against the wood, cheek pressed against the floor. Later, they would tell him this move was a good one because it helped him to avoid adding a head injury to everything else. After that, everything went black for Will McAvoy.

* * *

"I can't believe this happened, again!"

Mackenzie was finally alone in the hospital room with a sleeping Will. Charlie had tried every trick in the book to get her to go home and get some rest when he left, but she wouldn't leave Will. Eventually, he capitulated leaving without her. Four hours had passed since another phone call had shaken Mac's world. This phenomenon was now happening at a frequency that had her wanting to throw her damn phone in the East River, as if not having the thing would prevent him from being hurt anymore.

Mac held one of Will's large hands in both of her tiny ones. Her chair was pulled so close to his bed that she had to sit on her feet, but it was the only way to reach him. The idea of not touching him right now was out of the question. The steady beat of the monitors seemed so loud to her right now. She welcomed the noise. it was the only thing that kept her from total silence. The only thing that kept her from going back to mentally berating herself for all the ways she has screwed things up with this man in front of her, the one man who lately kept scaring the absolute hell out of her.

She hadn't given enough weight to the fact that Will left the hospital before he should have and then proceeded to put all his time and energy into the show. Instead of you know, resting and relaxing like you probably should after internal bleeding and a significant hospital stay. That was what was clawing at her conscious. She should have done more to stop him. Mackenzie wasn't kidding herself. She knew she couldn't have gotten the most stubborn man she had ever known to stay in the hospital when he was all riled up like he had been. But, the truth was that when Will was reciting _Don Quixote_ there was this fire dancing in his eyes, an electricity that had been missing. He didn't look defeated for the first time in weeks. He was the embodiment everything Mac loved about him at that very moment, and she didn't want to stop him. She hardly even tried.

When he came back to work she hadn't completely forgotten he had been sick, but he had seemed so healthy, so full of life and vigor. It was easy to put it all in the back of her mind. Sure, she had tried to make sure he wasn't overdoing it. Made sure he ate, but that was it. The reality was she was willfully ignoring what had happened because conjuring up what she felt when she saw him passed out on his bathroom floor was simply too fucking painful.

He should not have been left alone so soon after all this, which was clear to her now. It bothered her that it hadn't even occurred to her until all this shit happened again. She should have been there with him, for him, whether he liked it or not. She wasn't naïve. She knew he would have never have simply agreed to let her keep an eye on him. For fucks sake he wouldn't even tell her what was in that god damn message he had left her, so he certainly wouldn't invite her to stay over and nurse him back to health. It didn't matter, though. She should have forced her way in to his place, held her breath, and thrown a tantrum until he let her stay. You know like a mature adult would do.

Instead of even thinking to do any of that, she had gone home after the show to ruminate over what that voicemail could have possibly said. The journalist in her said that when looking at the few facts she had, it pointed to a confession from him of some kind of feelings for her. However, another part of her loudly cautioned her against vanity, he could have said anything, really. Not to mention hoping for the best with him in a personal sense had been a risky game since she returned a year ago. With every glorious step they took forward it was inevitably followed by his half way retreat. Not that she blamed him. This whole situation between them was 90 percent her fault. (_Will recently gained an 8 percent blame shift when he hired Brian.)_ Things were so damn complicated between them. All she wanted was to hear him say he missed her even half as much as she missed him.

Then in the middle of her musings, her phone rang. She quickly put together that something was wrong with Will. She was halfway out the door heading for him before Charlie could say much of anything beyond Mount Sinai and relapse.

What a difference a few hours could make. Sitting next to Will now, lying in another hospital bed, Mac didn't give a shit what he may or may not have said in that message. All she wanted and needed was for him to be okay and stay that way.

All she wanted and needed was him.

Looking at Will like this **again, **just a week after the last time, made something inside of her shift. She didn't need to know what the message said anymore because she had her own things to say to this man. Once she knew Will was okay (_which he would be, because any other option was simply unacceptable for her_) she was going to start making her own confessions to him (_minus the pot_), no matter how scary it was for her. No more subtle hints mixed with sweet smiles. She was going to smack him with the truth, the same way she had smacked him with _The New Yorker_ the last time he was in this place. She knew she was the one who screwed up everything with them in the first place. That the likelihood of him rejecting her or fighting her every step of the way was high, but she was determined to tell him anyway.

It was clear to her now more than ever that she was always going to be maddeningly and deeply in love with him. When Will woke up she was going to make two things clear to him. The first was that she was still in love with him, and the second was that he needed to stop fucking around and take care of himself because this hospital stuff was not going to fly with her anymore.

"I love you, you hear me, you asshole. Maybe you can't forgive me, but I am just going to be here next to you loving you and you can't stop me." She squeezed his hand before turning it over and placing a kiss in his open palm.

She waited a beat, and then two, wide eyed and alert, looking at Will intensely for any change. Nothing happened.

"Damn it, if this was a romantic comedy you would have woken up after I said that! Or at least opened one eye and feigned sleep to hear my confession..."

Mackenzie tried to scrunch up in the chair even more, throwing her legs over the arm of the chair to get as close to him as she possibly could, retaking his hand as soon as she had situated herself. She leaned back and the exhaustion of the last weeks hit her fast. Soon her light snores mingled with the sound of the monitors.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed chapter one! I really appreciate the comments and encouragement. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think. Thanks.

* * *

"_So how can love bear to see you, bear to see you go alone? I can't bloom. This speeding heart's got the same bone as your own." _

_~What Remains, Foals_

* * *

The next morning, Will woke up to sunlight filling an unfamiliar room. The light promptly drilled into his newly opened eyes and he scrunched them back shut in pain. This sensitivity made the newsman suspect he had been given some kind of opiate that was wearing off. It explained the steady throbbing in his head, his mid-level aches, and the itch of his skin. More importantly for Will, this meant that someone must have found him in time. He looked off to his right and was met with the safety railing of his bed. Yep, just as he thought, he was in the hospital. Then Will noticed a pleasant sort of pressure on his left hand. The feeling was familiar, his palm being stroked by a soft feminine touch he would know anywhere. He slowly turned his head towards the feeling. Yep, just as he thought, there was Mac watching him through her own half hooded lids.

"Billy! You're awake." Mac nearly shouted. Her eyes popped open and her grip on his hand tightened. He couldn't help but wince at her high pitched voice, even if he did like the sentiment behind it. Mackenzie continued on more subdued. "Sorry, in my head that was quieter. I am just—you're awake."

"I think we have established that I am awake, Mac." His voice was rough like an unpaved street.

"How are you feeling? Should I go get the nurse?"

"I could probably use another dose of whatever they have been giving me, but I can just press the button."

After using his free hand to press the call button, Will turned his attention to their intertwined hands. He knew now was the time when someone would usually ask how they got in the hospital, what was wrong with him, and so on. However, Will remembered pretty much everything, he thought anyway, that lead to him passing out on his floor. He assumed by the blood at the time that his ulcers were aggravated again. So, beyond briefly wondering who found him, he didn't have many questions about his current predicament.

He was however extremely curious as to when Mac decided that this kind of intimacy was something in the bounds of their ever changing friendship (_for lack of a more precise term for everything they were and weren't to each other at any given time_.) It did feel nice to have his hand in hers. He had always loved her hands, holding them, having them direct him, or watching them work. Mostly though, it was the way she used them to touch him. You know… before. Whether it was her gently squeezing his shoulder after a long day at work, or her nails digging in his back when they arched and bent together in his bed, when she touched him he always felt like he was hers alone. _Branded_. The only problem was the other places her hands decided to travel at the time. Which was exactly why this contact needed to stop, it felt too good. Will wasn't hers alone, not now, and as it turned out, not even then.

Will decided Mac probably didn't even realize what she was doing. So he just kept giving their hands a pointed look. He waited until Mackenzie looked as well, and got what he was silently trying to tell her. Instead of quickly pulling her hand back as he expected to her do, she squeezed his hand tightly and gave him a look that said if her made her let go, she would fight him.

"Since when do we hold hands?"

"I don't know since you keep scaring the shit out of me, Will. Plus, I've always liked your hands."

"I've always liked your breasts, so if that's the rules we are playing by now…"

Will knew the second he said it, that it was probably out of bounds. He was bracing himself for her to yell at him. Instead, she gave him an almost flirty smile. "Well, that's up for negotiation."

"Excuse me?"

"We need to talk, mister."

"About your breasts? Let's pretend I didn't say that. It's uncouth, I blame the drugs I am sure they have given me."

"Are you telling me you are high enough right now to tell me what was in that voicemail I never got?"

Will hoped that this message business might have been lost somewhere along all the drama of last night, but he knew with Mac he should have known better. She didn't forget anything. He didn't either, which was ultimately their real problem. If he could only forget about her betrayal, he could have easily told her what that message said. Instead, they were both stuck in a rut, two miserable lonely elephants with great memories.

Will knew logically that Mac was right. They really did need to talk. They really needed to have multiple talks about everything done and learned in the last few weeks. The problem was he just couldn't think of a scenario, beyond the old Vicodin and edibles combo, in which his fucked up mind would allow his heart to tell her anything. So, instead he deflected.

"No, just high enough to expound on your various attributes."

"Well then by all means expound away." Mackenzie smiled.

"Nah, I am good."

Will looked at her pouted lower lip, a response to his latest comment, and had a strong urge to cross the distance between them. He wanted to take that bottom lip in-between both of his, to kiss and nibble it until she made that soft breathy groan she used to make when she really liked something. It was a nice fantasy, until Will's brain did what it always did. Reminded him of why he shouldn't do that with her, of the other guy she probably made that noise for when he thought it was only for him. To make things even more complicated, another part of him was telling him to get over himself. It had been years since she cheated and she had paid her penance. Fuck! He was thinking way too hard for a guy who was wearing an opened back hospital night gown and it did nothing to help his aching head.

"Fine, then back to my point. It doesn't have to be right now, but we need to have a conversation, Will."

"That is by far one of the least appealing sentences in the English language."

"Will, be serious."

"I am dead serious." He countered.

"Yeah and last night you were almost just dead, so maybe stop fucking around." Mackenzie shouted her face turning a deep angry red. Will knew immediately he had gone too far.

"You are going to start hitting me now, aren't you?" Will winced.

"What?" Mackenzie sharply replied.

"Last time I was here you used that shitty magazine as a weapon. Then poor Jim got it later with the pillow. My conclusion, hospitals make you violent."

"Yeah, it's the hospital. Certainly not because of the man that keeps putting himself in one."

Will was saved from replying when Nurse Parker entered the room.

"Someone call for me? Looks like he is awake." The nurse said to Mackenzie.

"Are you kidding me, Nurse Parker, again?" Will questioned.

"Yeah, the nursing staff heard you were back and unfortunately rock, paper, scissors has never been my game."

"How long has he been up for? Anything unusual?" The nurse asked ignoring Will and looking directly at Mackenzie.

"Five minutes, and he is already driving me bloody mad. So he is being perfectly usual." Mac answered.

"I am in the room you know."

"Be nice to her if you want your next dose." Parker warned finally acknowledging Will. She shook the cup of pills she had in her hand back and forth, "I am guessing you have a pretty nasty headache. The doctor wanted to wait to give you more meds until they could be taken orally. So you are a little over-do."

"Fine, Mac, you're so pretty," Will commented drolly. "Nice enough for you? Hand them over Ratchet."

"Don't fuck with the woman holding your drugs. Ever heard that expression Mr. McAvoy?" Nurse Parker returned.

"No, but it is a wise one. May I please have those?"

Will did his best to sound sincere. He even tried to smile at her. He could really use those drugs, whatever they were, right about now. Nurse Parker acquiesced and handed over the pills. She poured him a glass of water from the pitcher by his bedside and handed him that as well. He took a few sips letting the water coat his dry throat before he downed the pills in one swallow.

"I'll be back soon to take some stats. Don't rip yourself off any of your machines while I am gone. "

"I will be strapped in and waiting with bated breath."

"Schmuck." Parker muttered as she left the room.

Silence settled over Will and Mac as the door closed behind the nurse. Will foolishly hoped the silence would last. His feelings for the woman beside him were getting more convoluted and complicated by the day. He didn't know exactly what was coming next between him and Mackenzie, but he had the overwhelming feeling that whatever it was, he wasn't quite ready for it.

"So where were we?" Mackenzie started after a minute.

Will decided to go with the old exaggerated yawn as his method of avoidance. "I am really tired. Those pills Ratchet gave me really work."

"You took them one minute ago. No pill is that fast acting, Billy. However, since you do need your rest, I will cut you some slack and drop it - For now."

"And what about my hand?" Will couldn't help but question.

"Sorry not dropping that, It is staying where it is, non-negotiable." Mackenzie firmly replied.

Mackenzie gripped his hand tighter, adding her other hand to the mix to show she was serious. Will turned his head away from her in the hopes that Mackenzie didn't see the smile that he couldn't help from appearing on his face. He closed his eyes and thought about how he would never let anyone else do this but Mackenzie. Let someone be with him like this, take comfort in someone else. Despite everything she had done to him, he still felt comforted by her, still wanted her next to him. Even he knew that meant something big about the two of them. The question was did their connection mean more than the cargo plane filled with their baggage that constantly hovered around them.

* * *

"Well, if you have a calm night tonight, you will be released tomorrow morning. You will need plenty of rest. I mean really take it easy for a while. No work for at least a week. No smoking, no alcohol, and I will give you a list of foods to avoid. Hopefully, Mr. McAvoy you learned your lesson this time and will follow doctor's orders to the letter."

Will nodded his head in agreement and the doctor nodded back before exiting the room. Mackenzie watched the exchange and hoped that Will actually listened to the doctor. Although, hell, even if he fought it every step of the way, it didn't really matter in the end. It might be a little messier than if he took the initiative, but Mac fully planned on making sure he did everything necessary to stay better. She didn't care if that meant flushing his cigarettes, drinking all his bourbon, and chaining him to his bed where she would force feed him kale, and wheat grass, and other disgusting green things. Will was going to get healthy and he was going to stay that way, damn it. Mackenzie would make sure of it.

Two days had passed and Mackenzie had barely left Will's bed side. Once each day she would leave for a bit to shower and catch a quick nap. The only reason that even happened was because Charlie was so insistent when he came to visit Will that she take a break. Now, knowing tomorrow morning he was leaving had her feeling conflicted. Of course she didn't want him anywhere near this place; she wanted him up and healthy. At the same time though, she had been chickening out about telling Will how she still felt about him since she had initially tried to do it right after he woke up. Now time was running out.

Mackenzie knew she was going to have to at the very least convince him to let her stay with him when he went home the following morning. She just couldn't bear to not see that he was okay and taken care of on his first night home, especially after last time. She knew it might be weird for her to stay at his place, but it would only be as awkward as they let it be. She decided by sheer force of will that she wouldn't let it be. She contemplated if Will would be more or less likely to agree to her staying, if she stopped pussying out and told him of her borderline unhealthy, unrelenting, love for him. Nope, it was probably less likely knowing Will, she decided. She would postpone pouring her heart out because it just had awkward written all over it. Not to mention the fact that she was just plain terrified. This was a precarious precipice she had created for herself. She would use caution. She would find the exact right time to tell him… later.

In the meantime, nothing would stop her from showing him how she felt. With Will was the only place she really needed to be right now. So, that is where she had been, despite a few halfhearted and quickly dropped protests on his part. She didn't give a shit what it implied to him and others that she didn't want to leave him because the implications were true. She loved him. If she needed visual confirmation that he was okay, then she was going to indulge. Maybe, this overt caring would make the transition easier for Will when she finally found the balls to tell him everything she was feeling. She could only hope.

"Mac, you heard him. You can go home now, really. I am fine. I am going home tomorrow." Will said breaking Mackenzie from her thoughts.

"Nope, I am staying here. It's easier if I just stay the night again. This chair and I have formed a bond. Then I can just take us back to your place after you are released tomorrow."

"Take whom back to what now?" Will sputtered.

"If you think I am leaving you alone on your first night out of the hospital you're fucking crazy."

This was usually the most sure fire approach with Will, firm, direct, and cut all the bullshit. Mackenzie just hoped it worked and he caved before she had to start quoting classic literature, which was another tactic that worked occasionally. Her brain was functioning on little sleep and the only thing she could think of to quote was '_I will follow him, follow him where ever he may go_…' and that was far from literature. She knew that was only thing she could think of because she had watched Sister Act at 3 am that morning when she couldn't sleep, and couldn't just stare at Will and worry for another second. She didn't think quoting some do wop song would have the same effect on Will as Don Quixote had. Who knows, though? Will had weird taste. Maybe it would work. Was Sister Act considered a musical? She wasn't sure.

"You did last time I was in here." He returned.

Mac didn't know if that comment had been intended to inflict pain, or if was simply just a plain assessment of the facts, but it sure as hell made her feel like crap all over again.

"Yeah and look how that turned out. This is non-negotiable, Billy." Mackenzie was one step away from stomping her foot. She was not going to back down. He needed someone there with him, someone to look after him for once, and it was going to be her. She would get this one right. She would not fuck up one more thing where Will was concerned.

"You can't just keep telling me things are non-negotiable, as if that is the end of the conversation. You are not coming back home with me, Mac."

"Yes, I am. And this seems like the perfect opportunity to have that discussion I have been postponing. You see Will…"

Maybe this wasn't the perfect time Mac had been looking for, but she needed him to understand. She_ needed_ it. All of a sudden it was spilling out without much thought.

"Mac, please don't…." Will practically begged her not to continue.

"No, I need to say this. Will, seeing you on your bathroom floor before… Seeing you wheeled in here… I felt… Do you have any idea… It was just…." Mac heard the crack in her voice and knew that tears were imminent but she kept trying to make her point.

"Mac, stop!" Will yelled.

"No, you stubborn ass! My heart…"

"MAC!" Will practically roared. His reaction stunned her into silence. Will continued on in a much more level tone, "If I agree to letting you stay over one night, just to make sure I don't get a frequent guest card for this place will you please, please, not force us to have this conversation here?"

"You don't know what I am going to say."

Mac was happy he had conceded to letting her stay, but now that she had started, she really wanted to get through it all. However, she knew she had a tendency to push Will a little too far sometimes and decided to hear him out.

"I have an idea of what it's about Mac." Will said.

"Is it the conversation you object to, or the location?" Mackenzie wondered as she regained her composure.

"Can't say I am crazy about either at this very moment, but if you're going to lecture me about my well-being can we at least wait until I am vertical."

"Fine, just know that your complete lack of care for your own well-being is only a fraction of what I want to say. But we will do it your way. Conversation postponed. Until tomorrow, that is, when you are officially allowed to be vertical."

"Oh thank you for allowing me the day princess."

"You know Will, sarcasm is an ugly trait."

"Luckily I am handsome enough to make up for it."

"Idiot."

Will smirked at Mackenzie before closing his eyes and turning on his side. She knew that meant the conversation was officially over. Will quickly fell asleep and that left Mackenzie to review what had just happened between them. Holy shit! Tomorrow she would be staying over at Will's place. His territory. No interruptions. Her plan in her mind only went as far as to getting him to agree to let her stay. Now that he had, the reality of all that meant came racing forward in her mind. Holy shit.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I am switching it up a bit in this chapter. The first part is Mac's POV and the second part Will's instead of the reverse like the first two chapters. Thank you soooo much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I really appreciate them. Hope you like this one! Let me know what you think please and thank you.

* * *

"_She's up in the sky and the sky is on fire. She set the whole neighborhood to life. Then the people they'll read out all their names. Run away, run away, run away…" ~Alabaster, Foals_

* * *

"Mac, you need to let go of my arm. I learned how to walk a long time ago."

Mac ignored Will's comment and kept a steadfast grip on his arm while the pair walked through the elevator doors into Will's apartment. This not letting go was just one small step in Mac's plan.

Step one, if you will. She would show Will she still cared about him in any way he would let her.

Step two, If Will hadn't gotten the hint after a small amount of time she would confess her present tense feelings for him.

Then in her best case scenario that would be followed by…

Step three, true love finds a way to win.

Mackenzie was also aware that somewhere in between there she needed to find the balls to actually say the words and deal with the potential fallout. As much as the optimistic part of her wanted to believe that things would go in her favor realistically, she knew how much and how deeply she had hurt Will. It was a possibility that he might not ever want to try again with her no matter what she said. Ugh. That was horrifying for Mackenzie to think about. Finding the courage to say it anyway she would call that step one and a half.

Mackenzie was not particularly looking forward to step one and a half.

"You don't know, Will. Maybe I am holding on because I need the help walking." Mackenzie looked over at Will with what she hoped was a playful smile. She had been in his apartment for about a minute and a bolt of nervous energy was already striking her insides. She wouldn't be surprised if her attempt at a playful smile came off more forced and deer in headlights than flirty and adorable.

"That's a pretty weak rebuttal. Only one of us was in the hospital." Will reminded.

"I was there too."

"Let me rephrase. Only one of us was required to be in the hospital."

"Fine, Fine you win." Mackenzie conceded.

Will and Mac made there way into his living room as they went back and forth. The second their conversation ceased the silence turned awkward and oppressive. They were in the middle of the living room and both were clearly at a loss of what should come next. She looked at Will hoping he would take the reins and let her follow his lead on this one. She had made it here. He had agreed to let her stay. She just had no fucking idea what should come next. Will stared at Mackenzie and she stared right back.

She saw that there were questions dancing in his eyes and Mac wished for the millionth time that she could know exactly what Will was thinking. He looked so unbearably handsome when he was all intense and focused on her. His piercing blue eyes, his confident stance, and the fact that he was always sexy to her was an intoxicating combination. It all made Mac extremely nervous and all of a sudden she was erupting with words, with anything she could think to say or ask to end the silence.

"Well, here we are. Are you hungry? Do you want something to drink? Do you need to sit? Fancy a bit of rest? Can I bring you a book? We could watch a movie. You can even choose, maybe something old and fun, lighthearted."

"Mac, breathe. You sound like a crazy person. One thought at a time, okay." Will said with a smirk on his face.

Suddenly Mac was determined to wipe that smirk right off his face. Why in the hell did Will seem so calm about everything and she could not seem to get her shit together about being her with him? This was not going to work.

Ha! She knew exactly how to turn the tables on him.

"What suddenly you can't keep up with me, Billy?" Mackenzie moved closer so she could nudge Will with her elbow. This time she knew her smile hit the mark as she saw Will's eyes spark in delight.

"Oh I absolutely can keep up. In order, I am not hungry. I can get myself some water. I will sit after I retrieve said water. I absolutely don't need a nap, or (_In British accent_) 'bit of rest'. I don't think my brain is quite up for a book, and so in conclusion, sure lets watch a movie because frankly as nice as your eyes are I was getting a little tired of our staring contest."

"Good Job, old man. I stand corrected."

"Old man? Old man, you say? I am going to make you pay for that one." Will promised. The laugh that followed from him bordered on maniacal.

"Prove it." Mackenzie paused before adding. "Oh, and your eyes aren't so awful either especially when they get all indignant because I called you very, very, old."

Ah, banter. This was comfortable for the two of them. She had never met anyone who could keep up with her like Will did. It was upping Mackenzie's confidence by the second.

"You said yourself I am choosing the movie. It's going to be fun torturing you." Will smiled.

"Kinky, Billy… I will get us some water and you go plot my viewing demise."

Ha! Let him think about that comment while she was gone.

She walked to the kitchen and made quick work of getting two water bottles. Mac then happily made her way to Will's couch. She turned and glanced at what was paused on the screen. Her beaming smile dropped in an instant.

"No, seriously, Will. How to Succeed In Business?" Mackenzie whined.

"Yep. Without Really Trying. I was watching Mad Men a few nights ago in the hospital and seeing Robert Morse made me think of this gem."

"But Will, there is just so much singing. And I understand that it is a musical, that's the point, but it's just too much. Plus, it's so mod, so sixties, and there are so many colors. Too many if you ask me."

"When did we switch roles? You sound like the old curmudgeon. Are you telling me princess optimistic doesn't like color? Or singing for that matter?"

"You know I don't like this movie. Couldn't we compromise? There have been a few very interesting documentaries I haven't had the time to check out and I think you would enjoy them, truly."

"No way. You wanted lighthearted and it doesn't get lighter hearted than this..."

"Wait, you didn't let me finish. I was going to follow that totally reasonable request by complimenting you on how young and virile you look." Mac knew it was a long shot, but the flattery worked for her in both her short and long term goals with Will.

"Decent try, but sorry standard playground rules apply. You said my choice and there are no take backs. Don't worry. You're going to love it this time."

"I have already seen it. With you, mind you, and I just listed my very valid complaints."

"Yes, but now you can re-see it and see how wrong all of your complaints actually are."

"Oh, Shut up, Will."

"Is that your way of telling me to start the movie?"

"I suppose. Just remember if I close my eyes and you hear a light snoring that's just my way of letting you know how much I am really enjoying this clusterfuck of bright colors of song and dance numbers."

Will laughed and she loved that after all this time and everything they had been through the gravely sound still led to a little fluttering in her heart. She plopped herself down on the couch as close to Will as she thought she could get away with. When he pressed play on the remote a second later they were close enough that their shoulders brushed against each others. Despite the movie choice, Mac knew that this was a much better start to the evening than she could have hoped for.

* * *

"You know my planned really backfired." Will observed. "You are insufferable when watching something that does not entertain you."

Thirty minutes into the movie and Will was really questioning his choice of film. This was supposed to be playful retribution to force Mac to sit through this musical again. Instead, he felt like the one being punished. Actually, it was more akin to being pestered by a very tenacious puppy. She was a gorgeous puppy to be sure, which he would admit helped. However, it didn't alleviate how annoying she was with her relentless picking apart of every aspect she saw on screen.

"That is not exactly new information for you, Will." Mac reminded. "I have seen many a movie with you.'

"Touché," There he capitulated. Maybe that would lead to her being quiet for a little bit.

"But like I was saying who names their child Pierpont Finch? He never stood a chance." Mackenzie questioned.

Nope, no such luck. Well, at least all this nonsense was coming from Mac's lilting voice. If anyone else had been going on like she had, he would have kicked them out by now. He then turned to face her. He watched her lips as she spoke and had the overwhelming urge to kiss her senseless. Whether it was to shut her up, or because he was always on the verge of wanting to kiss her, he couldn't say.

He leaned in closer to her, just a slight turn and tilt of his head, on instinct. However, before he could follow through that twisted dark voice he couldn't seem to kill, started whispering those ugly B words in his head. Words like Brian, and betrayal. He instantly straightened up and away from her. Will caught the disappointed look that flitted over Mac's face and that made it all just a little more painful.

"Good thing he found the book, then." Will eventually answered. He tried to get them back on a more neutral, less dangerous path.

"And another thing! Rosemary should have found out Finch's game long before she did. Give me a strong female character over this lady any day. Oh a devoted secretary with an ambitious business man, what a ground breaker in storytelling."

Will had to applaud Mac for her quick recovery. A quick crack in her voice was the only signal Will had that she was affected from the moment they almost just had. He was happy she was playing along and ignoring it. Even if meant more film analysis from her.

"Mac, it was made in the sixties."

"So what, _His Girl Friday_, was made in the forties and portrays a much better female role model. Give me Hildy over Rosemary any day."

"_His Girl Friday_ isn't even a musical, its apples and oranges."

"The fact that it is not a musical is just another point in its favor. We should have watched that!"

"Mac, watch the movie we are already watching please."

"Fine, but if you start singing along again expect me to tape it and blackmail you with it later."

"You mean to tell me you can't send an email correctly, but you know how to operate the voice recorder on your phone?" Will rebutted.

"Will, Watch the movie."

"I am just saying…"

_._

The screen faded to black and Will looked over at Mac. Somehow she had managed to stop talking and fall asleep through all the singing and dancing. Her head had found its way to his shoulder about a minute after she had nodded off. Will could have moved her then, but he liked the pressure of her head on his shoulder. He liked having Mac close.

Now that the movie was over he felt he was beginning to like her closeness a little too much. Enough to be entertaining thoughts of allowing himself to fall asleep and hope that when he woke up he would be all snuggled and tangled with her on the couch and somehow everything would be fine in the end. You know like always happened in the movies. Yeah and maybe, he would wake up and have selective memory loss and finally be able to forgive her and they would live happily ever after. Not exactly likely, but how he wished it was that easy.

Will knew then what he needed to do. This situation was getting out of his control. He indulged for one more moment, turned his head slightly and inhaled Mac's green apple shampoo. Then he gently brushed her hair back from her face and began to wake her up.

"Mac, wake up its over."

"Billy," she mumbled, half asleep she curled deeper into his shoulder.

"Yeah. Come on Mac, time for bed."

"Mmm Hmm, I Love you, Will." Mackenzie sleepily replied before shutting her eyes again as she attempted to burrow into Will's chest.

"What!?" Will nearly shouted.

Will watched as Mac extricated herself from his shoulder and looked at him in the eyes. He could tell he had startled her and she was only now fully awake. Will literally saw on her face as she realized what she had said to him. He immediately wished he could take back his loud reaction but hearing her say I love you after all this time just shocked him and that was what had come out of his mouth.

It was one thing for him to know that he still loved her, it was quite another to hear the words from her lips. There were only two options it was either just a sleepy mistake or she meant it. Either way was terrifying to Will.

"Shit." Mackenzie whispered.

"It's okay, you weren't awake. Forget it. "

Will knew he needed to play the whole thing off. He wasn't ready for anything else, but when she looked at him like that all gorgeous and wistful it made him want to be ready. Fuck, he really wanted to be ready for her.

"No! Actually, maybe this happened for a reason. I have been chickening out about something and I have never been accused of being a chicken." Mac began.

"Really Mac, let's just go to bed. It's late." Will pleaded.

"No, Damn it! I meant my sleepy mutterings. I do love you, still. I love you whether you want to hear it or not."

Mac looked near tears and Will knew this is exactly why he didn't want to go down this path right now. Nothing he could say would be what she wanted to hear and he really did hate hurting her.

"Not, really, really not." Will muttered.

"God that is just… cruel. I know I probably deserve it but…"

"I am not trying to hurt you. I am not, Mackenzie." Will heard too late how harsh he sounded.

Will felt like a huge ass. He was just thinking about how much he hated hurting her and then three seconds later he went and hurt her. This pattern happened far too much for his liking these days.

"You can't hate me, or I wouldn't be here. We wouldn't have been able to work so well together, or sit on your couch and joke about some silly stupid movie. So what is it, you're just over me? Are you just perfectly content with friendship? Is that it? Am I embarrassing myself? Let me know Will!"

"I haven't been perfectly content in over 4 years." Will blurted out. Fuck. He was really on an asshole role.

"And here we go again. Listen, Will if what you want is another apology. I can do that…"

"I shouldn't have said that, it was a low blow. I am tired of the low blows, I don't want to be that guy, but that is the reason, the only reason, I don't want to have this conversation now. I am all over the damn place." Will tried to explain.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Damn it, Mac! It means I still fucking love you!"

Will was really batting a thousand tonight.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I am sorry I took forever to update this. Stupid real life got in the way. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. I really appreciate each one of them! Please let me know what you think about this chapter, it's a great motivation to keep to writing. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Previously:**

_"I shouldn't have said that, it was a low blow. I am tired of the low blows, I don't want to be that guy, but that is the reason, the only reason, I don't want to have this conversation now. I am all over the damn place." Will tried to explain._

_"What the fuck does that mean?"_

_"Damn it, Mac! It means I still fucking love you!"_

_Will was really batting a thousand tonight._

* * *

"Well isn't that all that matters?" Mac returned passionately.

"But I haven't figured out a way to forgive you."

"Oh." Mac squeaked out.

Mac knew Will might say something like that. She did. It just didn't stop the words from feeling like a sucker punch to her heart.

"I am not trying to hurt you, really. And it would be unfair of me to ask you to wait for something I may never figure out a way to do."

"You're never going to be able to forgive me?" Mac couldn't quite control the small shake in her voice as she spoke her biggest fear out loud.

"Oh Mac, I hope not. I really want to, but who the fuck knows. I am so fucked up-"

"Will, I am so-"

"It's okay, Mac. That wasn't a prompt to apologize again. I know you're sorry. I know you've been sorry, sorry, and repentant, and time has gone by… Ugh. What I am trying to say is, it's not about that. You know more than anyone I was screwed up long before I met you. And well it just isn't helping me with all this now."

"But you still love me?" Mac quietly asked.

Mac needed hope right now and knowing he still loved her was more than she had yesterday.

"Yes, beyond all fucking reason." Will breathed.

"I'll take it."

"What?"

"You love me, but haven't forgiven me. I could be worse off. You could hate me, or worse you could be indifferent. It's something."

"Isn't that kind of fucked up?"

"Oh it's completely fucked. But aren't we both?" Mac returned.

It was time to put all their crap on the table. Mac was smart enough to know that she had only ever gotten into trouble with Will when she lied to him. She was never going to make that mistake again. Even if meant that some of the information made her or Will look less than perfect.

"Can't argue with you there…" Will half laughed.

The tension in the room seemed to dissipate. It was almost enough for Mac to kept quiet and leave things at that. However, she had something else on her mind. She felt compelled to make things absolutely clear with Will. She knew him, better than most. She knew he would close up emotionally completely soon. She needed to get this out and have him hear her before he retreated into himself.

"What I did to you is the single biggest mistake I have ever made, Will. I know you said you didn't need another apology and this isn't one. I just want you to know it is the one thing I truly regret in my life. I do hear what you're saying. I know there isn't more I can do. Just know if there was something else I could do, I would do it in a second. It's unfair that it's all on you Will. I see that as well. I break us up and you have to be the one to remake us, if it's even possible. I don't know. I just can't stop loving you. I am done trying because quite frankly it is exhausting and impossible."

"I don't want you to be exhausted. I want you to be happy, Mac."

"You're just not sure it can be with you?"

"Well, shit it's not like I want you with someone else. I don't want that at all. I just don't know-"

Suddenly Mackenzie felt like everything that had happened in the last few weeks caught up to her at once. She was emotionally and physically exhausted. She couldn't believe she was going to be the one to end this conversation, but she had no more fight left in her for the night.

"Will, can we just stop for tonight. I understand where this speech is going. Hell, if things were reversed I can't say I would behave any differently. I meant what I said I am sticking around and if things change for you, tell me. Even if you definitively decide you can never forgive me. For my part, I am going to be really honest with you. I hope you are the same with me. I don't know we can go from there, figure it out, see what happens."

"Mac." Will breathed.

"Yeah, okay. I know I said we should stop talking. And we should, so I am going to go to bed."

"I don't like leaving things this way. It feels unsettled. Why do I feel like such an asshole?"

"Will you're not an asshole. You're wonderful. And well you feel unsettled because we are unsettled."

"Mac."

"Yeah."

"If I hugged you right now would that be too weird? Would it make things any worse?"

"Billy, it's been weird for years, come here."

Mac reached her arms out for Will and he immediately engulfed her, squeezing her tight. Will had a point this could make things worse. Mac didn't care. She never felt better than she did when his arms were around her. Who cared about after when she could have this now? She inhaled the spicy smell of his sweater, savoring every second of being close to him. Will then pulled back, brushing the barest of kisses against her cheek before stepping out of the embrace.

"Sweet dreams, Mackenzie." Will stated as he walked out of the room.

"You too," Mac said to Will's now empty living room.

* * *

As Will stood in the hallway outside his guest room he knew this was probably a grade A mistake. It was nearly midnight. He had left Mackenzie hours ago. She needed sleep. She probably was asleep, unlike him. Yet, he just needed to talk her. Now. Tonight. He knocked. Oh shit! He had actually knocked. He was startled when she immediately replied for him to come in. Okay, so maybe she hadn't been able to sleep either. When Will entered, he caught Mac just as she was getting out of his guest bed. She was wearing a camisole and pajama bottoms, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. She was beautiful.

"Yes, Will." Mac said seemingly calm.

"I have been going over our conversation since I went to my room. I was hoping you might still be awake. And here you are, awake, and in your pajamas. I just couldn't leave things like we left them." Will blurted out.

"Oh okay."

"I need you to know I am going to keep trying to forgive. I think I have a little. The thing is, and I really don't want this to be lost in the shuffle of everything, Mackenzie. I really do… I never managed to stop…Oh fuck. I said it once to you already tonight. I really do love you, Mackenzie. More than I have ever loved anyone else. It's just very hard you know. Habib said something during a session…"

"You're still seeing the son?" Mac asked.

"Here and there." Will reluctantly admitted. He hadn't really meant to bring up his sessions with the doctor.

"And you talk about me?"

"You've come up."

"Okay, lay it on me." Mac said with a dramatic sigh.

She flopped down on the bed before sitting up on the edge of it. Will sat down next to her.

"He said what I can't get past is the betrayal. Because of my past, I guess it's even harder."

"I would never ever again…"

"Mac, I know that, logically I do." Will really didn't want her to feel like she had to constantly apologize.

"Okay. It kills me, that I hurt you. That you're still hurt."

"This is going to sound corny as hell, but would you agree to maybe taking things slowly?"

This was the one thing he decided in the last few hours. He couldn't keep them both in limbo any longer. And the idea of her moving on to someone else after everything they had been through this last year was just unacceptable. He needed to act.

"Yes, of course…What do you mean?" Mac agreed.

Will laughed at her immediate agreement before she even knew exactly what he was asking. He really did love her.

"I mean let's do things together just you and I, you know outside of work."

"Like date?" Mac timidly asked.

"Yeah, we could call it that. I want you in my life. I just always want you. I started thinking when I tried to go to sleep, that if I keep letting my lingering bullshit stand in the way, I will never be happy. I want you to be happy and hell I even want myself to be happy."

Will couldn't believe he finally had the balls to say that out loud. He felt a sense of lightness he hadn't felt in years. Yet, it was also scaring the hell out of him. He tried to push past that part of himself that liked to self-sabotage things with Mac as a way of protecting himself.

"I want you to be happy, Will. Even more than I want us together, I want you happy. I mean it."

"You know Habib has been trying to get me to admit that I want to be happy since I started seeing him. Well I sure showed him telling you instead. So what do you say, want to date me? A very leggy woman once told me I have this way of doing things."

"I would love to date you. And this leggy woman sounds like a very smart lady."

"Come back to my room with me." Will spontaneously asked.

She was so witty and beautiful in that moment. He really just wanted her close to him and wasn't thinking much beyond that.

"That is the exact opposite of taking things slow, but yeah, sure okay." Mac laughed.

"I didn't mean… I was just thinking earlier on the couch with you asleep on me, it felt… Nice. Although, now that I am thinking about what you are implying, I can't say I am not intrigued."

Will really hadn't been thinking about having sex with her but now he was. Taking Mackenzie, slow but with a relentless purpose. Exploring every inch of her body until her fists were gripping the sheets. Making her beg for him…Yeah, forget going slow.

"Were you just asking me to cuddle, Will McAvoy?"

Mac's voice reluctantly took Will out of his ever growing fantasy of her.

"I think I was, but if we're being honest now all I am thinking about is ravishing you."

"Should we do this when you haven't gotten everything figured out?"

"Probably not, but I really want to." Will confessed as he placed his hand on her knee.

"Well, if you think I am going to stop you…"

Before Mackenzie could finish her sentence Will pressed his lips eagerly against her own. Her mouth opened for him immediately and Will smiled a little before taking her bottom lip between his. God, it felt wonderful to do this with her again. Her pliant lips were perfectly in sync with his, and she was doing this thing with her tongue that had always driven him crazy. She tasted like cinnamon and home. Before he was really aware of it, he had her completely vertical on the bed, his body half on top of her. Will's hands began caressing her breasts through her thin top. She moaned at the contact, it was the sexiest thing Will had heard in a long time. He pulled back a little wanting to really look at her face. She stared back at him, panting. The look she was giving him was so trusting. All of a sudden an annoying Jiminy Cricket like voice told him he shouldn't be doing this with her right now.

"Fuck, you were right. I want you, badly. But we shouldn't do this yet. I don't want to fuck this up-"

"Will-" Mackenzie started.

Will jumped up from the bed. Quickly striding to the door. He didn't want to screw things up with her. He knew that this was their last chance and he still had some shit to work through. He didn't think making love to her before he was sure he could move past everything was fair to either one of them. It didn't stop him from being extremely tempted by her.

"I am going back to my room. Now, before I lose all resolve. You're gorgeous. I… am sorry. Uh, good night."

Will stepped out of the room holding on to the door for a second. He couldn't help but take one last look at Mackenzie. She looked as confused as he felt and he almost walked back inside to be with her. Instead, he forced himself to close the door. Even, Will could recognize that this hadn't been the restful first night home he probably should have had. He was clearly not in the best frame of mind to make life altering decisions. He would find a way to make things right in the morning. Whatever, right was between him and Mac.

Will plopped into his welcoming bed. He let out a groan as his body hit the mattress. He sat up slightly and reached over to the night table to take the pills he should have consumed a few hours ago. He dry swallowed them before his head hit the pillow again. He didn't even bother to put the comforter over him. Finally, Will slept.

* * *

"Hey, it's Mac. Remember when I told you I didn't have any female friends." Mac said into her cell phone.

"Yes, and you don't need to tell me who you are, caller ID." Sloan replied on the other end.

"I need a female friend."

Mac knew that with Sloan it was best to just cut to the chase.

"Of course you do, why else would you be calling this late? I can do that though. What do you need? Do you just need to talk? Or drink? Or what?"

"I would love to drink and talk at the same time, but I don't think leaving Will's right now is a good idea."

"You're at Will's place?" Sloan exclaimed.

"Yes." Mac admitted.

Maybe calling Sloan hadn't been such a great idea. However, Mac needed to talk to someone about her and Will. When she had marched into his room shortly after he left her to ask him what the hell had just happened, her gumption had left her fairly quickly. She had found Will sound asleep on his bed. She looked at him all sprawled out and realized Will didn't need any more stress tonight no matter how amped up she was at the moment. So instead she pulled the covers over him, placed a light kiss on his forehead and left. The phone was in her hand and she was dialing Sloan as soon as she was back in the guest room.

"And you're calling me?" Sloan asked.

"Sloan, come on. Let's not state the obvious."

"How is Will? Are you staying there for a while? Is it weird? Wait, did you guys do it?" Sloan rapid fire questioned.

"You need to slow down."

"I know, but I just have so many questions!"

"Fine, physically Will is doing pretty well given the circumstances. I am staying here to look after him. It is unbelievably weird. And we didn't do it but…" Mac began to confess.

"Kenzie…"

"We kissed. I kissed Will. Fuck, I never knew if that would happen again. Okay, I am lying we didn't just kiss. More like solid second base. Oh God, saying that made me feel like a teenager. I am 40 year old woman who worries about what it means when her ex-boyfriend asks to take things slowly then almost immediately feels her up and then flees to his room. I am emotionally stunted. Will and I are both fucking children. I am freaking out, Sloan!"

"Will is a good guy." Sloan reassured.

"I know that, he is the best guy." Mac concurred.

"So stop freaking out."

"You don't even know what happened exactly." Mac reminded.

"I get the gist and that it didn't end great or you wouldn't be calling me and using your high voice. Just calm down and go to sleep. Cooler heads will prevail in the morning. Ask Will what is going on then. He is the only one who can help you here."

"But I'd rather you tell me how to fix it. Preferably, in a way that ensures our happily ever after with as little emotional damage as possible." Mac whined.

"What about our friendship thus far suggests I am even remotely capable of that?"

Mac yawned. Damn, this really had been the longest day. "Yeah, you're right. I do feel calmer somehow. Thank you, Sloan."

"No problem, hell you talked me through that Don thing. Mackenzie, go to bed. I can hear you yawning."

Mac really was so very tired. For the first time she thought she might actually be able to sleep.

"Okay, you're right… Thanks again. Good night."


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**__ I know this hasn't been updated in forever, but hey here it is now and it's finished. This has always been rated M for language, but now we get to add sex, yay! It's nothing too graphic, like R rated at most, but if that isn't your thing go ahead and skip the second half off this chapter. This is the end for this story. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think mostly because it will motivate me to work on this other Will/Mac thing I have been kicking around in my brain. Thank you so much!_

* * *

The next morning, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Mackenzie's blood was slowly boiling. All because of the oppressive silent breakfast she was enduring with Will.

_Clink! Clink! Clink!_

The noise was driving her batty. Mackenzie was positive the sound of two spoons hitting bowls had never been so ridiculously loud.

What the hell was she doing here anyway?

She didn't even like cereal. Especially this sugary crap she was currently consuming. The only reason she was eating _Frosted Flakes_ for the first time in over 20 years was because of the craziness that was her and Will. Considering she had left to a war zone for precisely the same reason, this current cereal infraction seemed small in comparison.

Mac had finally gathered the courage to leave the guest room in search of Will after about an hour of being awake and pacing in her room. She had finally given herself enough of a pep talk to be able to see him after last night.

She was anxious; she was raw, she was hopeful enough about her and Will to scare her.

When she had found Will lounging rather calmly at the kitchen table she felt all her courage drain away. He was alternating between reading the morning paper and eating a bowl of cereal. As if he didn't have a care in the world. Mac just sat mutely down in the chair next to him. She had no clue what her first move should be and she didn't want to screw up something so fragile.

With a nod and a grunt in her direction Will had gotten up from the table. He quickly returned with a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee for her, but absolutely no conversation followed. When she realized Will had no intention of speaking she started to dig into the food in front of her. Simply because it was something to do to besides stare at him and wait.

What the hell was happening?

Mac's pushed the soggy cereal she couldn't stomach anymore away from her and sighed. The clink of Will's bowl was now officially driving her crazy. She was bursting with things to say to the infuriating man, but refused to be the one speak first, because now it was a matter of principle. She didn't know his game, but she knew he was playing one. Will was the one who ran away last night. Will should be the one to say something this morning. Her overwhelming frustration came with the fact that it didn't appear Will was going to speak _at all_ about them or otherwise and it didn't seem to bother him _at all_. Mac dramatically pushed her chair away and stood up from the table.

"You know what Will. I am going to go ahead and go back to my place. Call me if you want to talk." Mac stated turning to head back to her room in a full-fledged huff.

"Mac, what in the world?" Will asked.

Will stood and Mac immediately turned around and stepped towards him so she was in Will's face just enough to prove her point.

"I am leaving." She said coolly. "I got the message."

"No, you are not." Will countered.

"Excuse me."

"After last night you're just going to bolt? I thought we were having breakfast! Fuck that. Fine, if things are really that flexible with you then maybe you should leave." Will's volume rose with every word.

"Are you kidding me? You haven't said one word to me all morning. It was not exactly a ringing endorsement that you wanted my company." Mac countered meeting his volume.

"You didn't say anything either."

"It's your house."

"That is not even a thing. I thought we were easing into the day." Will rather weakly tried to explain. "I've never been big on mornings."

"No you didn't think that. Will, you had no idea what to say so you just went radio silent. Am I right?" Mac asked straight out.

"Well besides this little display of bravado it doesn't look like you knew what to say to me either." Will defensively retorted.

"So that's really how this is all going to go down? Last night you confess your feelings, get all handsy, and the next morning you're just going to be a total ass. If you changed your mind about what you wanted, you should have just said something instead of trying to slow play me out of your apartment."

"Damn it, Mac! I didn't change my mind!" Will shouted. Then quieter, "I didn't change my mind."

"You didn't?" Mac asked much sweeter, hope swelling in her chest.

"No, I really didn't. I just didn't know what the fuck to say to you so I thought it was better to keep my mouth shut while we ate. Besides, I am not used to someone having breakfast here with me."

"We used to have breakfast together here all the time." Mac reminded.

"Yeah and that was years ago." Will responded. "I have become a lot more hermit-esque since then."

"You have had other women here since, Will." Mac hated to remind him, but the facts were the facts.

"They didn't stay the night."

"Ugh, is it weird that I feel disgusted and flattered at the same time by that little reveal?" Mackenzie asked.

"I don't know. I am famous, so I get that combination of feelings a lot around people." Will joked.

"So you still want to try- us? It's just that you are as lost as I am?" Mac confirmed as she gently touched Will's arm.

"That pretty much sums it up. I just don't have any magically detailed instructions about how make it all work out for us. I am good at fucking things up…"

"I am better…" Mac cut him off.

"I am trying not to go there right now, Mac."

"Sorry, continue." Mac winced. She was so used to self-flagellation for betraying him sometimes she really didn't know how to put the brakes on it.

"I felt like when we were together the first time I just went on instinct with everything. That instinctual approach really bit me in the ass. However, I have been thinking what is the alternative? This sitting and over-thinking everything clearly just pisses you off. I am lost and that is not usually a position I find myself in."

"Your instincts were never the problem. You were always wonderful. I was the one to fuck it up and believe me I have learned my lesson." Mac took Will by the hand before continuing, "What are your instincts telling you now." Mac asked coyly as she began to gently stroke up and down his arm.

"To do this, "Will leaned down and hungrily pressed his lips to Mackenzie's.

Mackenzie immediately fell into place with him and opened her mouth to his. They kissed with abandon, messy and passionate. Unable to satiate a longing for the other that went beyond rational explanation. Soon Mac's shirt was half way undone and Will was grinding against her in the most delightful way. It was then she noticed that he had backed her up against the dining room table. Will was placing open mouthed kisses up her throat, his hands seemingly everywhere at once. Just when Mac thought she might kill him if he dared to stop, he did just that.

If he tried to back out of this now she knew she would be the next lead story on Nancy Grace. _Former Lover Kills Will McAvoy for Withholding Sex… _The headline would say. Will looked down at Mac his eyes still lit with desire.

"Be really careful about what you say next, McAvoy." Mac warned.

"Oh nothing like that Mac. I am on board with where this is going. I am pretty positive you just felt exactly how on board I am."

"Oh thank God! Then why the hell did you stop?"

"Well, as much as I would love to take you right up against this table like that one weekend away in Maine. I am trying to take care of myself better, as you asked, and I am unfortunately pretty sure it would go against doctor's orders to be on my feet in that particular manner."

"Oh shit, we can wait." Mac responded her whole demeanor changing to one of understanding and concern.

"No. After this morning we are not fucking waiting. It's more the standing up thing that wouldn't fly. I do have a nice fluffy bed though and with the right approach…" Will hinted.

"Ahh, yes, I see. I can think of a few ways to take some of the pressure off you." Mac winked.

"I do like a lady at the top of her field on top of me."

"So cheeky. Get in your room Will."

Mac playfully patted Will on the ass as he passed her. Then she grabbed his hand and they both made their way to his bedroom.

* * *

When Will had pictured being with Mackenzie again (_and he often had_) he had never come up with a scenario like the one he was in. In their years apart he had envisioned a lot of different ways where he might sleep with her again, but they were always so fraught with angst in his mind. He always thought if it happened again he would be in constant inner conflict. He would be thinking things he didn't want to think, or trying to prove something to her with every move.

It wasn't like that at all.

It was wonderful and fun, but still poignant and passionate. It didn't feel dark at all.

Mac's big eyes' beamed up at him as she slowly unbuttoned her top. It was one of the sexiest scenes Will had ever witnessed mostly just because it was Mackenzie and this was really happening again.

He loved her so fucking much. This felt so ridiculously right. It was impossible to question it anymore. He needed Mackenzie. For the first time it really dawned on him, as Mac looked at him with so much love and trust, that she might actually really need him too. Him and nobody else.

Will knew in his heart this was just the beginning of things for them this time around. However, that didn't stop him from trying to catalogue every moment of what was currently unfolding.

The way Mac giggled unabashedly as she fumbled a little with the buttons of his pants….

The taste of her skin as his lips leisurely made their way down her body...

Her breathy moans and words of encouragement as he focused his attention on her breasts…

The whimpering noises she made as he paid special attention to the faded scar on her stomach with his mouth. The way his heart twisted at the sight of it. He was overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude that she was there with him, and safe, and about to be his again. Mac refused to let him dwell on the spot that was a reminder of so much more, or let the past spoil the present for even one second.

Being ever the forceful executive producer Mackenzie simply pushed his head down further until his mouth was where she really wanted it to be.

She was adorably aggressive when she demanded it was her turn to explore him and he was more than willing to oblige her.

Her lips burned his skin as they kissed down his abdomen.

The feel of her mouth around him taking him in was utter euphoria. The sight of Mac putting all her focus and attention to detail that he loved to see while they were at work into pleasuring him was unbelievably erotic for Will.

She was incredible. The way she inched up his body, how she licked her lips before straightening up to position herself over his torso, how she slowly lowered down on to him controlling her muscles and taking him inside her inch by inch.

Will felt as if he could almost see the love pouring from her as she stared at him intently and gave them both time to adjust to each other in that heightened first moment.

Mac also took charge when she noticed he was too overwhelmed to begin moving. She had this measured rhythm on top of him. She was calculating the best rhythm for the both of them twisting her hips and making the most obscene magnificent noises.

Mac's natural perfectionist attitude and enthusiasm had always really worked well in the bedroom.

Then she was crying out his name because he finally got his act in gear and started giving as good as he was getting from her.

Will had thought somewhere in the back of his mind, that maybe he had exaggerated how good the sex was with Mackenzie just to intensify his misery. If anything now he realized he had underplayed it because this blew anything he remembered right out of the water.

Mac's raspy voice called out his name one last time as she reached her peak. It was easy for Will to come tumbling after her.

Sweaty and sated Will held Mac tightly. He soaked in every loving word she murmured into his chest as they both took in the moment. Will knew one thing for certain. His arms were around the only person who ever made him feel like he was home.

The rest was just their bullshit baggage and he was ready to move on.

What mattered was that Will loved Mac.

Will finally understood that he needed her more than he needed to hold on to an old betrayal.

Suddenly, the question of how to forgive her morphed into one of how to tell her he had.

Will almost laughed at how things turned out. Only his stubborn ass would take two trips to the E.R. before figuring out what really mattered. As soon as he could find the mental capacity to speak, he was going to tell Mackenzie just that.

_**The End.**_


End file.
